Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
