just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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