So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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