if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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