My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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