She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
