Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Randomize
