it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
