Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
