I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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