We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
