He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
