Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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