I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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