Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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