hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
