Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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