I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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