you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Did I show you my penis last night?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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