New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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