SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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