I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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