She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no, he came in my armpit
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
