Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
