HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So vagazzling was a success
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
