There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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