college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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