she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
