i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
