My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
