I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize