I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
