I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
