Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
