I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
