dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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