She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
God I need to hump something, right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
