Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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