you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
