Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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