You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize