Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
