I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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