All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
