oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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