saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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