two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
