I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
