Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
