Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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