I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you traded sex for a burrito?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
