Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
