nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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