I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
