Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
