He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
