You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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