Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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