I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
