Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm too high and old for this...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
