Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
