you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
