Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
