yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
