Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
