Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
