I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
