Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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