there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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