now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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