Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
