the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
