I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
