Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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