i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
