I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
