So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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