I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
