Screwed.edu
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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