There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize