Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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