My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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