First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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