they said they heard you say put it in my butt
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
