3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
