Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
