shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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