He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
