You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
